The biggest event in today’s news is the spread of coronavirus, a new plague that China is desperately trying to contain. This seems to be basically a newer and worse version of SARS. What might have caused it?
There’s been some speculation that it was genetically engineered and managed to break out of the laboratory, something rather similar to the opening of Stephen King’s The Stand. There’s been some other speculation that it was effectively an anti-Asian race bomb which the Chinese unleashed on themselves. If so, it was unintentional and they didn’t know what they were doing. Luckily for them, China doesn’t have cultural Marxism, so their politicians have no reason to behave treasonously or self-destructively like this.
The official and non-conspiratorial explanation is that coronavirus emerged from a bad batch of bat soup at a seafood market.
It’s possible that multiple of the above explanations may apply. That seafood market just so happens to be located very close to a biological warfare research facility. (The Google Maps location has been changed for unspecified reasons. Explanations?) What if one of the workers at the lab was told to destroy samples, but then thought of making a few extra yuan by selling dead bats to this seafood shop? What’s the worst thing that could possibly happen, right?
One question that needs to be asked is, why the hell does anyone eat bat soup over there? Bats are unique and special creatures, of course. Still, they’re flying rodents. If you eat them, then you can catch whatever chupacabras they’re carrying. Some bats even have rabies. (Those who’ve read Cujo, another Stephen King classic, should be aware of that one.) It’s time to cut it out!
On that subject, it’s not just rodents that should be avoided. It’s time for them to stop eating cats and dogs too. They’re our friends. They love us, and we should love them back. They certainly don’t belong on the dinner table. As much as I admire Chinese culture, this is something that leaves me horrified. After five thousand years of civilization, it’s time to do better.