I’m so tired of the Wuhanic Plague

Like much of the public, I’m hunkering down at home.  So is the rest of the household.  I’m trying not to succumb to cabin fever.  An odd idea came back to me, one that’s been kicking around for a while.  Perhaps I could write a modern series of stories inspired by Boccaccio’s Decameron, which would be rather fitting.

The economy went into a very rapid drop from the panic.  It doesn’t help that many of our businesses will be temporarily offline, or permanently if this drags on for too long.  So naturally my portfolio took a big hit.  Luckily I made some defensive moves before this happened, but I wish I’d gone further with it.

I’m not going to be one of the people who chicken out and sell out at the bottom.  Instead, I’m going to make a big play at the bottom, and perhaps this will be enough to make me a millionaire.  Now that the Fed is going to dump another $1.5 trillion into the economy, made up out of thin air, we’ll get more inflation and being a millionaire will be easier than ever, because money will be worth less than before.

Other than that, I’ve got all the supplies I need for a while, so long as the water and electricity hold out.  We Mormons are supposed to have a year’s worth of food on hand.  Utah is going to do fairly well.  I’m a very bad Mormon, but I am partially stocked up.  That’s a good thing, since supermarket shelves are getting bare in places.  It’s what happens when all the Gentiles become last minute preppers.

It’s not a bad idea, but it’s a much better idea when carried out earlier.  Other than that, my supplier for dry survival rations has jacked up the prices to nearly double.  They’re a Salt Lake City business, by the way.  I can’t help but laugh.  Those clever bastards!  I wish I’d gotten a piece of that action!  Maybe I should get a warehouse and stock it with toilet paper for the next disaster?

Kolejka TP
TP line in Warsaw, late 1980s

On that note, toilet paper is unobtainable, and I hear it’s like that all over the country.  It resembles something out of Communist-era Poland.  When all this is over, everyone will be laughing at the situation for years to come.  As for now, if everyone runs out of TP, runs out of Sears catalogs, and runs out of corn shucks, then there’s always the Turkish method.  Specifically… kıçını bir derede yıka.

Well, shit happens!  We have to get Epictetus about it here.  If we weren’t all staying at home, then we might be faced with worse problems.  Either we can laugh about the situation or cry about it, so better to laugh!  Still, I’m tired of the Wuhanic Plague already.  At least that’s better than being sick of it.

I’m so tired of the Wuhanic Plague

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