Iranian cleric develops a rectal cure for coronavirus

In Iran’s holy city of Qom, once the fave hangout of that jolly old fellow Ayatollah Khomeini, a cure has been developed for the new COVID19 coronavirus.  This is just in time, since it’s now spreading throughout the world and has the potential of becoming a new plague.  Medical professionals are scrambling to confront this.

For Iran, however, that simply will not do.  An Alaraby article goes into their unique approach:

Users on Twitter describe how the Ayatollah Tabrizian has publicly denounced Western medicine as “un-Islamic”.

That’s hardly a surprise.  According to Iran’s ruling class, everything is un-Islamic.  They even think that Barack Obama isn’t a real Muslim.

The good news, of course, is their new coronavirus treatment protocol.  Three cheers for Iran then!  The article goes into some specifics:

According to an Iranian news site, which obtained a screenshot of the message, Tabrizian recommends consuming copious amounts of brown sugar, burning wild rue, as well as inhaling snuff.

I wonder if they have oatmeal in Iran?  I have a weakness for that stuff, especially with lots of butter and brown sugar.  Well, maybe not; they probably think oatmeal is un-Islamic too.  I bet smiling is considered a dark heresy over there.

His eighth tip is the most striking: “Before bedtime, drench some cotton in violet oil and apply onto your anus”

Will this turn your butt lavender?  If so, it’s a small price to pay for curing that nasty case of coronavirus.  As a bonus, you’ll get promoted to middle management, because after that, your Shi’ite doesn’t stink.  That’s something to think about next time you visit the Ayatoilet.