A couple of seduction basics

I will cover a couple of subjects that I hinted at in Righteous Seduction, but didn’t get a chance to go into very much depth on then.

Categories of receptiveness

It’s fairly obvious that your chances with someone depend on what she thinks of you.  Still, we can add clarity by classifying this into three groups:

  • Not receptive.  This can result from several factors.  For a few examples, she might be in a committed relationship, she might be having a bad day, she might not like your looks, you might have blown your approach (perhaps by being too direct), etc.  Either way, first impressions count for a lot, and unfortunately things didn’t go so well.  There’s not much you can do about this, at least not now.  Eject as gracefully as possible.  This will reduce your chances of her gossiping about you, which might ruin your chances with someone else.
  • Maybe receptive.  She hasn’t made up her mind up about you yet.  This is where having good game comes into play.  Basically you’ll have to be interesting, cool, and smooth.  Most likely, she’ll make up her mind about you with a little time.  If she ends up not liking you, try to end it on a high note at least.  The same applies if things are going nowhere; be on guard if the conversation starts dragging.
  • Receptive.  You’re pretty much golden.  The only way things won’t work out is if you screw it up, for instance by acting too desperate or saying something dweeby.  Keep the interest level up, but beware of overgaming.

Knowing where you stand, of course, is the big question.  We can’t read minds, and you’re not always going to get honest, direct communication about what she thinks of you.  For instance, “I’m just not interested in you” is pretty clear, but something a little snarky might be a Shit Test; those are annoying, but are actually an opportunity if you know how to handle them.  IOIs and IODs (indicators of interest or disinterest) will be your guide.  Actually, I wrote a good bit about that in Righteous Seduction (as well as Shit Tests).  The biggest tells are how much she participates in the conversation and how much she looks at you.  Spirited participation and gazing into your eyes are a good sign.  Monosyllabic replies and looking away are a bad sign.  Stammering and giggles and looking down might be shyness, which will be recoverable if you can get her to feel more comfortable.

Finally, give each interaction a couple of minutes (unless it ends in a Blowout, of course).  If things don’t head in a positive direction, then don’t run away screaming or sulk in a corner for the rest of the night.  If you get a string of bad reactions, or exhaust 25% of your possibilities, it’s your sign to find a friendlier venue.  Until then, see where things go.

The Law of Least Effort

There are countless ways to be more successful with women.  Suppose I was advising someone on how to improve his social life.  Let’s assume this is someone who needs a lot of work.  Some of the steps (far from an exhaustive list) might be:

  • Improve your hygiene
  • Start dressing well
  • Cut out the junk food
  • Pull yourself away from the computer and socialize more
  • Start working out
  • Overcome your shyness
  • Read up on basic seduction principles
  • Fix your conversational skills
  • Develop some interesting hobbies
  • Study advanced seduction principles
  • Develop your career
  • Move out of Mom’s basement
  • Get a decent vehicle

Note that these are categorized from the easiest to the hardest.  Many are important but can’t be completed overnight.  Start now, but don’t give up when you don’t get immediate results.  Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Taking the last item as an example, there are some people who believe that if only they get a motorcycle, hot rod, monster truck, or whatever, it will make them a chick magnet.  If you scrape together all your money for a down payment, then that won’t do anything for your social life (while leaving you massively in debt) if you don’t have the fundamentals right (or don’t take showers).  If you’re not working on other things because you don’t own a hot rod yet, then you’re just spinning your wheels.  That being said, a late model rice burner isn’t a Mercedes, but it’s going to be better than that Bondo-colored 1989 Yugo.  If even that’s out of the question, never fear; you’re taking the bus because you believe in being frugal and saving the environment, aren’t you?  Seriously, don’t even think about upgrading your ride until you have everything easier taken care of and you can easily afford it.

Likewise, if you read up on pickup lines or whatever, that’s not going to do very much if you dress like a slob and don’t take showers.  Don’t put the cart in front of the horse!  If you memorize a bunch of Routines to break the ice, but can’t hold an interesting conversation, then you’re going to freeze up when you run out of material or the conversation goes in an unexpected direction.  That’s why “fix your conversational skills” comes before all that.  Also, if you’re endlessly debating seduction theory online but you never go to social events, that will get you nowhere fast.  Don’t do any of that!  The Law of Least Effort keeps you on track by getting you the best results the fastest.

Another example of “least effort” efficiency is the following:

  • Set up some good profiles on free dating sites
  • Attend more social events
  • Start writing to people on the dating sites
  • Go clubbing
  • Convince someone to stop stringing you along

Note that this is also arranged from least to most difficult.  Setting up a good dating site profile will take two hours, tops.  Men get far less mail than women, but I’ve had positive results (if you know what I mean) by receiving messages out of the blue.  You can write to people on the sites, though you’ll be missing out if you’re not entering the real-world social arena.

Once you’ve cast your net online, then get into the real world.  Low-pressure social events are easier than the club scene, which is why you shouldn’t neglect them.

As for the last item, consider that one a back-burner effort at the very best.  You’re wasting your time if you’re putting your hopes all on one person, especially if she isn’t clearly showing interest.  A six month seduction plan is a losing proposition; avoid the ONEitis disease.  If you have an active social life, this might actually convince your special someone that she’s missing out on you.  In Righteous Seduction, I wrote at great length on escaping the Friend Zone, but still I’ll tell you that you’re better off pursuing other options.

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A couple of seduction basics

3 thoughts on “A couple of seduction basics

  1. Oc.Va. says:

    Nice blog you have here. This is a very common sense post, full of useful tips.

    My two bits as a person who has not been successful with women despite trying several of the above suggestions is that you have to be honest with yourself. I am tall, not bad looking and not shy either. A bit overweight but far from obese. Never had trouble making friends and I used to participate a lot in the classes or courses I took. When I was a teenager I was very studious and did not worry about sex / relationships because I expected they would somehow “happen” later on, perhaps at university. It was only when I neared 23 that I started worrying, since nothing was “happening”.

    My point is, dating takes work. I don’t believe much of the bragging some manospherians pull regarding their exploits (this is the Internet after all) although I find plausible that some men are particularly apt at hooking up. However, what I don’t buy for a second is that they waltz in, snap their fingers (read: give the game spiel) and voilà! they get laid. At least not where I am now. My guess is that many, many hours of meaningless smartphone chatter, dates, activities, shopping go before sex is likely to happen for the average guy.

    Something that in my opinion gets overlooked is the importance of effort for dating success. Yes, “frame”, or “confidence” and mental strength matter, but actual effort matters just as much. Spending time out even if you are not particularly interested in the venue, having a fashionable haircut, cool clothing, looking out for hip hangouts and/or festivals, the works.

    I think that there is a group of people like me who can’t be bothered by all this. We are not shy, not awkward at all, but we are not going to waste time and money putting a perfect front for a chick. We pursue intellectual interests that without being weird are usually not interesting at all for women, such as history, politics, economics, etc. (not just the news but more on a philosophical level). We are logical, we like things that work and can be understood, and don’t enjoy vague activities such as “hanging out” in which really nothing gets done. That, and we are also not thrilled by the prospect of two daily hours lifting weights at a gym.
    I don’t consider myself a nerd in the sense that I have never followed any film saga or have had a very absorbing hobby, but I strongly suspect that many nerds fail with women not so much due to their shyness, but more likely owing to that type of personality.
    Something that continuously pops up in manosphere sites is the importance of a risk-taking attitude, and that is also something I feel people like me lack. I was always a good student, but it was partly because I knew that even if I failed the exam I was learning something, and therefore profiting. A calculated risk. But what do you have after courting a girl for weeks in vain? Diddly squat. Note that I don’t mind at all delayed gratification in endevors such as learning a language, but again success is almost guaranteed in the measure that you are always going to achieve some degree of proficiency in the end. You are in control. Not so much with women, who are notoriously fickle. Sorry, but I can’t stomach the idea of being dumped after devoting so much of my time and money on anybody: not out of pride (it is unbelievably narcissist to believe nobody is more attractive than you) but of pratical interest.

    Understanding all this took me a while. Some may consider it an ingenious rationalization of failure, others a sick and economicist mindset. Whatever. I have read a great deal of manosphere pieces and I never found this particular viewpoint, so I hope it helps others who already suspect something along these lines.

    Like

  2. The way I see it, hitting the club scene seven days a week certainly isn’t the only way to go. It’s all about what you’re comfortable with and what your goals are. In your case, you might like stable, long-term relationships the best.

    Other than that, it follows from the Law of Least Effort that a guy should cut his losses if something isn’t going anywhere. For instance, a string of dinner dates without so much as a kiss isn’t profitable.

    Like

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