Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Rainbow Albrecht. I was a love child from the ’60s, and technically a red diaper baby. My views diverged from those of my parents, much to their horror, and in fact I most certainly enjoyed watching Red Dawn and Rambo II on the big screen. I’m into fantasy and science fiction, as well as lots of rather obscure stuff: Thelema, Distributism, linguistics (ancient Gothic for the win!), Romanian history, Russian novels, etc. I’m currently in the IT industry, and I spend much of my free time on creative writing. Lately I have brought some projects to fruition. I have a number of books online, and several in the pipeline, which I might tell you about later. Thus far, these are:
Dark Horse Rising: Charles Manson on the Campaign trail
This one, unexpectedly my highest-selling title, is an alternate history. The murders for which Charles Manson is now imprisoned never took place, and instead, this vibrant icon of the late 1960s becomes a rock star. Later, he enters the 1980 Presidential race and Ronald Reagan mysteriously disappears. If you’re a bit fed up with the Presidential king-making process, or partisan politics in general, this might-have-been will give you some food for thought.
The new and unexpected candidate lacks political experience, which Manson’s critics are quick to point out. But some analysts observe that this might work in his favor. His backers contend that he will breathe fresh air into American politics and lift the country out of the Carter administration’s “malaise”. Even after six years, the Watergate scandal still lingers painfully in the public consciousness. Some say that Charles Manson could win the election by earning the trust, faith, and confidence that many voters lack in career politicians.
Safe and Secure in Atropia
The encroachment on freedom isn’t always as heavy-handed as in totalitarian societies abroad, such as North Korea, or the USSR back in the day. Actually, it might be as nearby as the homeowner’s association running your gated community and charging you a hefty monthly fee for the privilege. This is a fairly off-the-wall satire about money-grubbing bureaucratic control freaks, and one family’s struggle against them.
“Think of all those science fiction stories where the machines rise up and conquer humanity. We can’t stop them because they’re powerful, they have no fear, they feel no pain, and they’re nearly indestructible. This was the nightmare scenario from Rossum’s Universal Robots all the way up to the Terminator movies. But the way the future really turned out is that you bureaucrats let yourselves be controlled by some database application.”
The main character is a slob with no social life who is stuck in a dead-end job. He answers an ad for “Simulacrum Spanish Fly” and ends up getting a hell of a lot more than he was expecting! The underlying themes are degeneracy and the often futile struggle for upward mobility. You might also get a kick out of it if you’ve ever had a boss who thought he was the Pharaoh of Egypt because he was one rung higher than you on the totem pole. The kernel of the story came to me some time in the late ’80s, after incredulously looking at the ads in the back of Hustler. So let it not be said that this fine periodical has never been a source of inspiration.
“I ordered some Spanish Fly. When it comes in, I’ll sit next to Miss Prim and Proper over there.” He pointed to Julie. “Then when she’s not looking, I’ll spike her coffee. By the end of the day, she’ll be a Wild, Horny Nympho.” He remembered this romantic turn of phrase from the ad copy. “Then Mr. Wonderful’s gonna ask her out on a date.” He smiled wickedly.
Space Vixen Trek Episode 4.135667: Walking the Planck, sub figura XVI
A young engineer, struggling financially and under the thumb of a controlling wife, goes for a little trip to space with his best friend. Then, the navigational computer gets a Blue Screen Of Death, extending their three hour tour. Other than that, space pirates – enough said!
“Yeah, you could say that. This is the Gaping Void; the Intergalactic Chasm. Great idea, huh?” Albert pointed to the Orion Arm. “If we had a really good telescope, in another hundred thousand years, we might witness a very clever homo erectus banging two rocks together and inventing fire. Imagine that – and it’s all been downhill since then. But, they don’t make telescopes that good, and out here we’re not even gonna last until next semester’s registration deadline.”
Space Vixen Trek Episode 13: The Final Falafel
Two friends, a nerd and a jock, are talking on the phone until missionaries show up at their doors, Mormons on bikes and Christian fundamentalists passing out tracts. The result is that the nerd enthusiastically discovers his Jewish heritage and the jock becomes a Quran-thumping Muslim. The teenagers decide to take a trip to Jerusalem for their summer vacation, of course. A dweeby classmate of theirs is going as well, a hard-boiled agnostic forced by his parents to participate in the “Putting The Fun In Fundamentalism” tour. He’s off his meds and soon declares himself to be the Second Coming. After a series of whacky misadventures, the two friends discover a secret plot that threatens the fate of the world. This story takes the Blazing Saddles approach to religion and pulls no punches; it’s not for the easily offended.
They began a long shouting match covering many enlightening subjects: the Palestinian Intifada, the Israeli occupation of Gaza and the West Bank, how OPEC’s price fixing harmed the American economy, how the Israeli lobby huggermuggered and scarum-shouted Congress into the Gulf War, the moral equivalence of the Munich Olympic Massacre by Palestinian terrorists and the Israeli sneak attack on the USS Liberty, the moral equivalence of gay for pay and being a celebrity gigolo, several particulars in the Bro Code (quite pointedly), epistemology, scriptural hermeneutics, the fine distinction between Talmudic hair-splitting and Talmudic nit-picking, and Islamic potty rules.
Righteous Seduction: Redemption for Nerds, Unappreciated Nice Guys, and Captives of the Friend Zone
In my only nonfiction title thus far, I discuss how the sexual revolution has vastly changed the dating scene. Any guy who doesn’t know the real rules of the game will be woefully unprepared, like a knight in shining armor amidst a tank battle. The social environment as it is now is pretty grim, but correct knowledge will lead you to the front of the pack. This isn’t your average “how to pick up chicks” book; it pulls no punches, but is among the enlightened offerings of seduction literature. It also uniquely includes helpful historical and philosophical items describing what it means to be a man in today’s world. This also has an in-depth analysis of the Friend Zone problem and what to do about it; if you keep getting cast as the “boyfriend without benefits”, this one’s for you.
“Men only want one thing” – you’ve heard that one before, right? I’m going to let you in on a little secret, something that is very good news for you. Women want it too! Perhaps you might doubt this, if you’ve been shot down quite a few times, listened to preachers denouncing the sins of the flesh, or ever been forced to read Andrea Dworkin (or others of that ilk). Well, I have news for you: women do get horny like we do, and they love sex! As Ovid put it, “Man is a poor dissembler; woman is much more skillful in concealing her desire.” Although so much has changed so rapidly, that one’s still true two thousand years later!
My flagship product is the Space Vixen Trek series. In addition to the two online, I have several others in the works. This always includes a super-intelligent nerd and his jock buddy. You’ve met these two many times before. Sometimes the jock’s girlfriend(s), their classmates, or their comrades in arms are along for the ride too. Their adventures typically include fighting off icky aliens, saving the world, and other cool stuff like that. I experiment with different genres, and in many cases I’m pretending to write from a certain time period, so the stories often have plenty of retro-futuristic nostalgia. It’s cheesy by design, since I take great pleasure in breaking stylistic rules and smashing the Fourth Wall to bits.
You may find the books at your favorite online ebook retailer:
Buy my stuff. Hint hint.